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My Life With A Disabilty

Now as I mentioned in my introduction post I have a disability I haven't really spoken about it on social media because I felt like peop...

Friday, May 15, 2015

It's that time of year again...

Summer is almost here and your probably finishing up the semester or graduating.

But not before you start freaking out that you have deadlines and exams to study for, we've all been there...

Procrastination is probably the worst thing a student can do and even when you try to force yourself to do your school work you probably end up staring at your laptop screen hope by some miracle words will just show up.

You start typing and your feeling confident
You now have your name, title and first line (Good start right?) and you feel the need to reward yourself for at least starting it.

Before you know it it's midnight and you aren't even half way done and it only means one thing: Pulling an all nighter!

Time to bring out all the coffee's and energy drinks because it's going to be a LOOOONG night!

You start typing and you think your actually going to finish this!

But then you actually look back at the work you've done doesn't meet the requirement for the assignment and you only have a few hours to submit it. You start wondering why you left this at the last minute!

Your brain is so fried that you start repeating yourself or put in words just to fill up the paper hoping the teacher won't notice.

 By the end the whole thing makes no sense, but at least you have something to turn in, right?

 And now you just barely made the deadline and click that submit button and it's all in the grade gods hands now and you start to get emotional, you don't really know if your happy or just delirious from lack of sleep or maybe both, but who cares cuz your done!!!

*PROcrastinator tip: If you have to print something out keep cool cuz printers can smell fear!!

Good luck and congratulations on anyone graduating this year!!

Down below is a playlist to help you get through finals week! Enjoy!

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

1 year blogaversary!

I can't believe it's been a year already!

I just wanted to write a quick post and say thank you to all who have read and followed me on this blog!

I really appreciate the positive feedback and all the kind words that have been said and also to anyone who has shared my posts as well!

Looking back over the past year I've grown a bit of confidence since starting this blog because I was too hesitant to even start writing and I'd never thought I'd get so much positive comments, especially sharing parts of my personal life such as my disability.

This blog has become a fun passion of mine and I've enjoyed making posts for all of you for you to read :)

I promise I have more to come in the next year and I hope you continue to keep reading!

So here's to the next year!

Friday, May 8, 2015

Anxiety and depression awareness week!

In honor of this week I've decided to share my personal experiences with both these mental illnesses because feel this is very important to talk about and I haven't spoken about it publicly, but for the past couple of years they've been part of my life.

Just because someone doesn't look like they have a mental illness and it may not show on the surface, but it doesn't mean they don't have it and it's something I  and many people strive with on a daily basis and that's the thing about these illnesses you may not know a person has it until it may be too late. 

Like any other illness some people may show signs, some may not. This epidemic is effecting more teens and adults than ever before. 

Many things can trigger these illnesses:
  • Stress 
  • Family issues 
  • Sudden loss of someone close to you
  • Relationship issues

In recent years I have been dealing with both these illnesses and I have felt how it can change a persons state of mind and the physical toll it can have on the body.

First I'd like to give a little back story on how I found out I had depression.

For one thing the loss of my dad was a big factor. The weeks after were a blur, he passed away on July so obviously the weeks after  were close to the start of school, so I kind of had that to distract me. I also was suggested to see a grief couselor  and join in an in-school support group and that helped a little.

Then Summer came around and I noticed a change in me, I'd get these bouts of sadness and disinterest in things I wanted to do and feel horrible.

But it was just the beginning because two years later I graduated high school and took a gap year from going to college because of some stuff and in that year my depression increased.

It was a rough time where I didn't do anything, but sleep and stay in bed all day not even bothering to eat or do things I liked to do, all that was just gone.

The real scary part when I was struggling, I'd go into this dark place where I questioned if staying alive and living was worth it, that I actually did think that hurting my self in hopes  that just ending it all would be the answer to everything that was happening at the time.

 It was those voices in the back of my head telling me I'd be better off doing it. It was very scary not having control of my own thoughts and feelings that I thought I'd never be as happy and normal again.

But luckily I was medically diagnosed and put on anti-depressants for over two years and I've progressed a lot, but even so I still have my bad days.

 When I told some of my close friends about my depression some were understanding, but there are some that just don't understand the concept. I feel that people, especially teenagers should know more about the signs and realize they aren't the only ones who suffer from it and that there are ways to treat it so they can have a better life.

 Depression isn't something you can just get rid of. There are many treatments and ways you can help subside it, but it is something you have to live with everyday and even with those treatments you can still slip into it every once in while so you need to do your part to overcome it and take control.

Statistics  show that depression:

  • Effects 1 in 10 Americans and 131 million people around the world
  •  70% of adolescents have depression by the age of 18
  • 14% are adults
  •  Women are more prone to depression then men, suffering from post postpartum depression after having a child.
  •  10% show symptoms, but are left untreated 
  • 60-80% of all cases can be treatable 
  • About 50% of people get  properly diagnosed by a doctor
  • 2/3 of people with depression commit suicide 

 Signs of depression are:
  • You feel hopeless
  • Loss of concentration
  •  You feel numb of all the the feelings and emotions 
  • Having negative thoughts you can't control
  • Loss of appetite or over eating
  • Can't sleep or over sleep
  • Disinterest in doing things you enjoy 
  • Thoughts of suicide (This is a major sign that you need to seek medical attention right away)

 Now I'd like to share my experience with anxiety and panic attacks.

Some of you may not know this but both of these things are a side effect of depression, well I didn't know that either until I experienced it for myself about a two years ago.

First of all I'd like to point out that I am a very anxious person as it is, but this magnified my anxiousness.

I first experienced my first bout of a panic and anxiety attack in school right after I'd come out of my adviser's office trying to map out what classes and credits I needed to get my degree (I was set to major in journalism and communications) and after he wrote it out and explained to me what exactly I needed to do. I left and I looked at it and realized I needed to take about 3 math classes and I had already dropped one class because I just couldn't handle it (math is a struggle with me ever since I was young) and now I needed to take 3 when I couldn't even do the simplest level.

Suddenly my mind was racing and I started over thinking everything!

"What am I going to do?
"I can't do this!"
"I'm never going to be able to graduate at this rate!"
" I'm never going to get anywhere like this!"

 After I called my mom to tell her she was like "It'll be fine, you can take your time, there's no rush anyway" and she was right about that, but my brain was thinking otherwise.

So much that I started to feel like I couldn't breathe and rushed to the bathroom, locked myself in a stall and just broke down crying. I finally collected myself and splashed water on my face and went back to eat something, but when my friend saw me and he clearly knew something was wrong I broke down again.

But after he took me outside and gave me a little pep talk I was feeling so much better.

It was months after that first episode, that I had another one and this time it was much bigger than the first one and definitely the scariest one.

I was on vacation visiting my mom's family and there was just this one day where I didn't feel like myself, so I laid down thinking it would help, but it made it worse.

Now let me just explain something first, my mom has a pretty huge family under one roof. Everyone is buzzing around, kids are playing, there is no place to be alone and it can get pretty chaotic. Where as in my family, it's just the 3 of us in and we all pretty much have our own space if we need it.

So coming from  some peace and quiet to this noisey, chaotic place kind of overwhelmed me, which was weird because I had been there two years prior with no problem at all, but I knew something was wrong with me.

I suddenly felt lightheaded, dizzy and I found it hard to breathe. It kind of felt like the walls were closing in on me and I needed to get out.

I told my mom I wasn't feeling well and broke down crying again. She took me outside and just let me cry and breathe and I felt so guilty that I was being this way, not being able to be with my family without freaking out, but they seemed to understand.  

Like I said before, when you have no control over what your brain and body do, it's terrifying. When having a panic or anxiety attack you can also worry and panic about having one especially when you're in public which makes it even worse. 

You worry that everyone thinks you're weird for freaking out for no apparent reason and then you start to panic when they start looking at you and ask you if your okay or need anything because you know they are just trying to help you.

It took awhile for me to get the help I needed. It wasn't until having trouble focusing in class, I was feeling restless and tired, I felt like I couldn't do the things I used to do and that would make me so anxious that I'd come home crying that at one point it went on for a week, so finally my mom suggested I talk to my doctor about it and that's when I knew I suffered from panic attacks and anxiety, so she put on anti depressants and after about a month or so I saw some improvements and I felt like myself again.

Signs of an anxiety or panic attack:
  • Shortness of breath or hyperventilation
  • Heart palpitations or a racing heart
  • Chest pain or discomfort
  • Trembling or shaking
  •  Sweating
  • Nausea or upset stomach
  • Feeling unreal or detached from your surrounding
  • Feeling dizzy, light-headed, or faint

If you or anyone you know suffers from anxiety or panic attacks here's some tips that may help:

  • Try to take deep breaths.
  • If you can try to separate yourself from the thing that is making you feel this way and go Somewhere quiet and if you feel better you can choose to go back if you're comfortable
  • Talk to someone about it.
  • If you feel like you need a little more help talk to your doctor and they may choose the best treatment for you.

If you know someone who may suffer from one:
  • Try not to crowd around them (I.E asking them too many questions)
  • If they want to be alone let them
They may just need to clear their head for a bit so just stand by
  • Ask them if they want to be alone
  • If they are comfortable enough with you they may want you to stay just for support
  • Remind them to take deep breaths

Hope this post was informative and helpful!

 If your experiencing or someone you know are suffering any of these or any other mental illnesses/ disorders  and need help please contact:

Call: 800-273-8255 or text ANSWER to 839863 
Online help:  https://www.imalive.org/ 
For LGTBQ youth: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

Remember you aren't alone and people are willing to help you get through this because your mental health and life matters!