Anxiety and depression awareness week!

In honor of this week I've decided to share my personal experiences with both these mental illnesses because feel this is very important to talk about and I haven't spoken about it publicly, but for the past couple of years they've been part of my life.

Just because someone doesn't look like they have a mental illness and it may not show on the surface, but it doesn't mean they don't have it and it's something I  and many people strive with on a daily basis and that's the thing about these illnesses you may not know a person has it until it may be too late. 

Like any other illness some people may show signs, some may not. This epidemic is effecting more teens and adults than ever before. 

Many things can trigger these illnesses:

• Stress 
• Family issues 
• Sudden loss of someone close to you
• Relationship issues

In recent years I have been dealing with both these illnesses and I have felt how it can change a persons state of mind and the physical toll it can have on the body.

First I'd like to give a little back story on how I found out I had depression.

For one thing the loss of my dad was a big factor. The weeks after were a blur, he passed away on July so obviously the weeks after  were close to the start of school, so I kind of had that to distract me. I also was suggested to see a grief couselor  and join in an in-school support group and that helped a little.

Then Summer came around and I noticed a change in me, I'd get these bouts of sadness and disinterest in things I wanted to do and feel horrible.

But it was just the beginning because two years later I graduated high school and took a gap year from going to college because of some stuff and in that year my depression increased.

It was a rough time where I didn't do anything, but sleep and stay in bed all day not even bothering to eat or do things I liked to do, all that was just gone.

The real scary part when I was struggling, I'd go into this dark place where I questioned if staying alive and living was worth it, that I actually did think that hurting my self in hopes  that just ending it all would be the answer to everything that was happening at the time.

 It was those voices in the back of my head telling me I'd be better off doing it. It was very scary not having control of my own thoughts and feelings that I thought I'd never be as happy and normal again.

But luckily I was medically diagnosed and put on anti-depressants for over two years and I've progressed a lot, but even so I still have my bad days.

 When I told some of my close friends about my depression some were understanding, but there are some that just don't understand the concept. I feel that people, especially teenagers should know more about the signs and realize they aren't the only ones who suffer from it and that there are ways to treat it so they can have a better life.

 Depression isn't something you can just get rid of. There are many treatments and ways you can help subside it, but it is something you have to live with everyday and even with those treatments you can still slip into it every once in while so you need to do your part to overcome it and take control.

Statistics  show that depression:

• Effects 1 in 10 Americans and 131 million people around the world
•  70% of adolescents have depression by the age of 18
• 14% are adults
•  Women are more prone to depression then men, suffering from post postpartum depression after having a child.
•  10% show symptoms, but are left untreated 
• 60-80% of all cases can be treatable 
• About 50% of people get  properly diagnosed by a doctor
• 2/3 of people with depression commit suicide 

 Signs of depression are:

• You feel hopeless
• Loss of concentration
•  You feel numb of all the the feelings and emotions 
• Having negative thoughts you can't control
• Loss of appetite or over eating
• Can't sleep or over sleep
• Disinterest in doing things you enjoy 
• Thoughts of suicide (This is a major sign that you need to seek medical attention right away)

 Now I'd like to share my experience with anxiety and panic attacks.

Some of you may not know this but both of these things are a side effect of depression, well I didn't know that either until I experienced it for myself about a two years ago.

First of all I'd like to point out that I am a very anxious person as it is, but this magnified my anxiousness.

I first experienced my first bout of a panic and anxiety attack in school right after I'd come out of my adviser's office trying to map out what classes and credits I needed to get my degree (I was set to major in journalism and communications) and after he wrote it out and explained to me what exactly I needed to do. I left and I looked at it and realized I needed to take about 3 math classes and I had already dropped one class because I just couldn't handle it (math is a struggle with me ever since I was young) and now I needed to take 3 when I couldn't even do the simplest level.

Suddenly my mind was racing and I started over thinking everything!

"What am I going to do?
"I can't do this!"
"I'm never going to be able to graduate at this rate!"
" I'm never going to get anywhere like this!"

 After I called my mom to tell her she was like "It'll be fine, you can take your time, there's no rush anyway" and she was right about that, but my brain was thinking otherwise.

So much that I started to feel like I couldn't breathe and rushed to the bathroom, locked myself in a stall and just broke down crying. I finally collected myself and splashed water on my face and went back to eat something, but when my friend saw me and he clearly knew something was wrong I broke down again.

But after he took me outside and gave me a little pep talk I was feeling so much better.

It was months after that first episode, that I had another one and this time it was much bigger than the first one and definitely the scariest one.

I was on vacation visiting my mom's family and there was just this one day where I didn't feel like myself, so I laid down thinking it would help, but it made it worse.

Now let me just explain something first, my mom has a pretty huge family under one roof. Everyone is buzzing around, kids are playing, there is no place to be alone and it can get pretty chaotic. Where as in my family, it's just the 3 of us in and we all pretty much have our own space if we need it.

So coming from  some peace and quiet to this noisey, chaotic place kind of overwhelmed me, which was weird because I had been there two years prior with no problem at all, but I knew something was wrong with me.

I suddenly felt lightheaded, dizzy and I found it hard to breathe. It kind of felt like the walls were closing in on me and I needed to get out.

I told my mom I wasn't feeling well and broke down crying again. She took me outside and just let me cry and breathe and I felt so guilty that I was being this way, not being able to be with my family without freaking out, but they seemed to understand.  

Like I said before, when you have no control over what your brain and body do, it's terrifying. When having a panic or anxiety attack you can also worry and panic about having one especially when you're in public which makes it even worse. 

You worry that everyone thinks you're weird for freaking out for no apparent reason and then you start to panic when they start looking at you and ask you if your okay or need anything because you know they are just trying to help you.

It took awhile for me to get the help I needed. It wasn't until having trouble focusing in class, I was feeling restless and tired, I felt like I couldn't do the things I used to do and that would make me so anxious that I'd come home crying that at one point it went on for a week, so finally my mom suggested I talk to my doctor about it and that's when I knew I suffered from panic attacks and anxiety, so she put on anti depressants and after about a month or so I saw some improvements and I felt like myself again.

Signs of an anxiety or panic attack:

• Shortness of breath or hyperventilation
• Heart palpitations or a racing heart
• Chest pain or discomfort
• Trembling or shaking
•  Sweating
• Nausea or upset stomach
• Feeling unreal or detached from your surrounding
• Feeling dizzy, light-headed, or faint

If you or anyone you know suffers from anxiety or panic attacks here's some tips that may help:

• Try to take deep breaths.

• If you can try to separate yourself from the thing that is making you feel this way and go Somewhere quiet and if you feel better you can choose to go back if you're comfortable
• Talk to someone about it.

• If you feel like you need a little more help talk to your doctor and they may choose the best treatment for you.

If you know someone who may suffer from one:

• Try not to crowd around them (I.E asking them too many questions)
• If they want to be alone let them

They may just need to clear their head for a bit so just stand by

• Ask them if they want to be alone
• If they are comfortable enough with you they may want you to stay just for support
• Remind them to take deep breaths

Hope this post was informative and helpful!

 If your experiencing or someone you know are suffering any of these or any other mental illnesses/ disorders  and need help please contact:

Call: 800-273-8255 or text ANSWER to 839863 
Online help:  https://www.imalive.org/ 
For LGTBQ youth: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/


Remember you aren't alone and people are willing to help you get through this because your mental health and life matters!

-Lupita

My Life With A Disabilty

Now as I mentioned in my introduction post I have a disability I haven't really spoken about it on social media because I felt like people that I've met over the internet haven't even met me in person and I feel normal in a way.

 But I feel like it's time for me to talk about it and make people aware of it or even relate to some of you that are going through it like me...

That disability is called cerebral palsy or CP for short. This is a result of a birth defect in the brain which is caused by damage to the motor control center. It can happen in early stages of pregnancy, during birth or a child can show signs of having CP up to age 3.

Signs of having CP are:

• Poor Muscle tone
•  Poor coordination and balance
• Spastic muscles or movements
• Not meeting specific milestones 

Sadly there are no cures for this, but there are many different ways to help it from worsening, like rehabilitation and physical therapy,or even surgery.

There are levels of severity with CP. There are people who can walk and get around with some sort of supportive device and may not need help from others as much, others are bound to a wheelchair and depend on others to do daily tasks.

In my case I can walk with assistance or I use a walker to get around, but for long distances I use a wheelchair to get around.

My whole life has been a challenge since day 1. I was born premature at only 6 months and basically fit into the palm of your hand (I know this for a fact because my grandmother tells my birth story at every family gathering we have haha).

As I grew up I went to school just like any other kid, the only thing that I did differently was that I was in a special education program that helped me in any areas that I had problems in, but I was in a regular class with everyone else. I dealt with things like any other kids goes through growing up (hormones,acne, crushes etc).

Even now when I went to college I had some help, but this time I would go to classes on my own and be more independent having to adjust to having the college experience. I was a little more at ease, a little more sure of myself and slowly coming out of my shell. I have made so many great friends and met some people who were helpful if I needed it.


I also do things like any other person, only I have to find ways to do them in a way that is easier for me. It is very frustrating and tiring, but like everything that is new you have to practice it until you can get it right. It also might take me a bit longer to do something that a normal person can do, but I feel proud that I am able to them on my own. This also includes asking for help when I need it, because when I was younger I didn't do much of and I guess it was because I wanted to prove I could do it on my own. I now realize that it's okay to ask for help, no one will look down at you for it because asking for help is what all people do no matter what you have. I also realized that if a person asks me if I need help I know it's just in their best interest and you can just politely say you're fine. (unless it's a really cute guy then you can take up their offer, haha)

Now that I'm an adult, I'm more independent in a way that I'm able to go somewhere without depending on my mom to take me. This is thanks to a bus service that picks me up at my house and takes me where I need to go, so I can go to the store, to hang out with friends or go to important appointments on my own and feel like a normal person.

Although there are instances where people assume things just by looking at me and treat me a certain way.

When I was younger it used to bother me so much that kids would stare and ask whoever they were with what was wrong with me and their parents would try to quiet them saying it wasn't nice. It was never to point where they would laugh and make fun of me, but it made me upset that I wasn't like the other kids, that I couldn't do or play like they could. I would get so upset over why I was the way that I am and I had the want to be like everyone else and not have this disability. I remember in Elementary school there was  a teacher who told my parents I wasn't academically capable to be in a regular class, if only they could see me now.

Sadly some people still assume the intelligence or what a person with an impairment can do.

Take Stephen Hawking for example, he has a disability and is probably the smartest person in the world , both Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder suffer from blindness and are musical legends and respected by many. I've also heard many inspiring stories of people who overcame others expectations and assumptions and have done so many great things.

One story in particular that has stuck with me since I've heard it in high school is the story of Nick Vujicic who was born with no limbs and yet he still does things like surfing ,swimming and has a lovely family of his own (Read his incredible story here). So next time you call a person a retard or cripple, just know they might end up going somewhere and doing amazing things!

 I'm not going to lie, I still find myself asking why can't I be like a "normal" but, in my 23 years of life I now realize there really isn't a right definition of being "normal", so this is what I am and it's okay to be different. I know there will be many more challenges for me and I am so grateful for the love and support of my mom who always tells me give up and follow whatever dreams I have. Hopefully one day I will make those dreams come true and make her proud.

I'm  also very lucky to have friends who I've known for most of my life that are in the same sort of situation as me, so if I have any doubts or fears on something that they've already been through I can go to them for advice or just talk it out with them or vice-versa. It also gives me comfort that I'm not alone in this situation and that I can go to someone who is probably going through the same struggles and at the same time we can help each other out in a way.

Like any person who has any kind of struggle, it's good to have that kind of support from others who are going through the same thing, because other people, no matter how hard they want to feel like they know or understand how it feels to be in that sort of situation, they only see the outside of what you go througn7h on a day to day basis, rather than the the emotional toll it can have on person going through it.

I'm very thankful to have regular friends who look beyond my appearance and treat me like any other person. I'm already a very shy person as it is and sometimes I do feel like my disability holds me back even more when meeting new people, but I've met so many good people that made me feel accepted and normal  that helps me be more social. It's great to have that sort of balance of people in your life because it can change other peoples assumptions of you when they first see you, like "oh he/she's so cool, you gotta see how funny and smart they are!" rather than just introducing as the "kid in a wheelchair" or "the kid with a walker". I also feel really lucky to know that they will help me if I need it and be there for me whenever and I hope they know that I would do the same for them!


So if you are like me and have a disability here's a tip I learned: Don't let  disability define you, keep your head up and keep going! It's going to be a bumpy road  but with the right attitude and support of people that love you, you can get through it! Once you accomplish whatever obstacle is in your way, your going to feel so proud of yourself and much more stronger than before.

And to anyone else reading this: Don't assume. Don't be afraid to ask questions because you both might learn something and gain a friendship for life...

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."-Unknown

-Lupita

(If you have any questions or just need someone to talk to you can reach me on any of my accounts on the side panel)